I can't explain how wonderful it was to leave the hospital and finally feel like we were the parents of these babies! In the NICU you have to follow a strict schedule and it seems that you practically have to ask permission to pick up your baby! Even though both babies had a weight gain (the thing that HAD to happen before we could leave) I was nervous that somehow that doctor would find some reason to keep them in the NICU just one more day. I was thrilled when the doctor came in and gave her final ok. I got the girls in the matching outfits we bought for them to leave the hospital and took a few pictures. Then we were off.
Surprisingly, I wasn't as emotional as I thought I would be all week. Well, I had plenty of emotions but there weren't many tears. The only way I can think to describe it is that my joy surpassed the level of crying happy tears. I was so happy I could hardly contain it inside! The nurses helped me get the babies into the car and closed the car doors. Then the flood of emotion came, but this time they were tears of gratitude. I sobbed by myself as I drove. I just couldn't believe that we were given such amazing miracles and blessings from Heavenly Father. I felt so thankful. So, so thankful.
Dave's wonderful aunt and uncle have been so good to us while we have been here. They had our room all ready with baby supplies and have been so helpful to us! Since Dave and the kids were arriving late that night, I was especially thankful to have help from Dave's aunt and cousins. I had lots to unpack and get all ready for taking care of the babies without the NICU nurses!
It's been heavenly to hold them without monitors attached and to feed them without calling out numbers to the nurses of how many milliliters they drank. They are so good natured. I realize that some of that may be due to their young age and one of these days they might wake up and start fussing! When they are awake, they love to look around and seem to be soaking it all in. They drift off to sleep without a sound. They have even been wonderful at night. I was so happy to be able to figure out tandem nursing (not my doing, they seem to be natural nursers). In the night I nurse them at the same time, then Dave changes them and gets the bottles warmed and then we each feed a baby the rest of their milk via bottle. We wrap them up and they fall back to sleep all snuggled together. Of course we're tired from waking up every 3 hours but so far the nights have gone so well.
Ash, Sadie and Nate have been wonderful helpers. They beg to change diapers. You bet! Although, they are so cute even when changing diapers so I don't think any of us mind that job. I knew how much Ashlyn and Sadie would want to be involved with the babies but I'm tickled at how much Nate loves to hold them and admire them. He is so careful when he changes their diapers. It's sure fun to watch.
As much as I wanted to leave the hospital, it was a wonderful week to be able to spend with the babies and no other distractions. I realize that it was a special time for me to have them all to myself. Even though I have to share the babies now that we're out of the hospital, I have been thankful for this time to be able to enjoy them as a family without all of my other duties as a mom. No schoolwork (well, Ash did bring a little), music practice, chores, making meals, etc. Our days revolve around adoring these precious little miracles.
Most of my friends and family know how many years I have longed for more babies. I'm not sure most people know to what extent I have longed for more children. Many, many times I tried to stifle those feelings because I didn't think there was much I could do to change my situation. Sure, we were trying to adopt but it's no guarantee. So many times I wished I could just feel content with my situation and move on with life. One day this week, I realized that the longing feeling was completely gone. Finally, finally I feel like our family is complete. All of those nights I cried myself to sleep because the pain seemed too much to bear, was for a reason. Those feelings were what we needed to get Anna and Audrey in our family. Adoption is a very difficult road and I don't think we could have endured it without a strong, intense desire to grow our family. I cry every time I think about how I tried to get rid of my feelings because they were too painful. And now I'm so thankful that I had those feelings because they brought me my babies. It's like a huge burden has been lifted and it's a wonderful feeling. I smile every night when I pray for my children...and I have seven names to pray for (we always pray for our babies in heaven).
Dave has to go home tomorrow night. We are sure hoping we get clearance from Colorado to go home with Dave!
